Instagram rat from Tunisia

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Gabesiana
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Joined: 2020-08-06, 11:18

Instagram rat from Tunisia

Unread post by Gabesiana »

Dear friends. Thank you for accepting me. It took me some time to decide to go to this site and tell my story.

It might be hard to believe,because it was so obvious that I was in relationship with a typical tunisian rat,but I couldn't stop it. He played with my feelings so well,that I always wanted to believe that "he is not like that",although my heart knew it for a long time.l was a fool but this is something that I have to deal with myself. Anyways.

I had a nice Instagram account. l had it for a long time and never had any problems. Last spring a nice man from Tunisia started to write me. I didn't answer at first, but he didn't stop writing so l answered. He was polite and kind and also funny.

Our conversation was soon the only thing,that made my day. Although I knew that it was stupid and risky ,l traveled to Tunisia in many 2019.We have spent a fantastic time together. He is much younger than me but it didn't bother me nor him. I felt flattered,I had no idea about tunisians and rats and about so many bad stories with Western women.

I payed for hotel and everything. I bought him clothes. Before I went back home he wanted me to change 500 eur in TND claiming that he needed it for rent for his apartment or he will stay homeless. At that time he was working at Palm Beach Marmara hotel in Djerba. I gave him money because I knew that salary is bad in Tunisia.But I felt that something is not right.

When l came home he never stopped writing. Love words and how he is missing me and asking me to come back. After a few weeks he started to ask me about money, claiming that he didn't get paid in hotel and needed money for food. Stupid me,l have sent him money.

ln July l visited Djerba again,together with my friends and we only saw us twice. Again....money. I have bought him a new phone for his birthday. End of July we started to fight a lot. He again asked for money and I said: enough. At this time l started to watch the 90 days fiance by coincidence. My heart is jumping. I was in shock. Then l visited the Tunisian love rats site and l was sure that it happened to me.

I was manipulated by a typical love rat. My heart still didn't accept it although my head was sure about that. After I didn't want to give him money again he was closing his phone and didn't write. I missed the feeling. He knew exactly what he was doing.
In August he had an accident and called me again to help him. I have sent him 600 eur for operation. He couldn't work. I have sent him money for living.
He was very careful usually about his posts on lnstagram but one day he posted a story about him and his friends having fun in disco and drinking . With my money.

I asked what is this and he went crazy,said that I was following him and what is wrong with me. We stayed like this all month. In September I went back to Djerba alone and he didn't know that I was coming. He was very nervous. He was working during the day again and the nights we spent together at his place in Djerba. Again. Money. But I had a good time. I didn't think. l felt like I was on drugs or something.

When I went home we were again writing and he started to speak about marriage and visa and that he wants me to meet his family. He posted my picture on his lnstagram profile and also the pictures of us together. I was melting. I missed him so much. In October he finished work in hotel and went back home. Every week or two l have sent him 150 eur.

In November l went back to Djerba and he took me to his home in Tunisia. I met his sisters and his mother. I was so happy l could have been dead. We were talking about marriage and visa but I explained that this is hard because of our age difference and because he had no documents and no income so even a holiday visa was a problem. He wanted me to buy a visa for him and I said no. He became very nervous and that was the time he started to insult me. That l was only using him for sex and things like that. He called me a whore from Europe. I was crushed.
l knew the truth a long way but still couldn't end the fake relationship. He could be so nice and generous. And I was feeling that the best days of life are over because of my age.

I don't blame him for anything. He wanted a way out. I saw where he lived. His chances in having a normal life in Tunisia are like zero. During the winter there is no work so l was regularly sending money. In March we saw us again,just before the epidemic started. We have again spent a beautiful week in Djerba and visiting his family. When I got back home in Europe it became clear to me that it will not be possible to travel back soon and we were both very nervous about this
But Western union was working.....money was traveling

In July he said that his mother had cancer and that he must sell his phone. I went to Western. End of July he had no money for sheep for Eid. He claimed to have big problems and cried every day. His sister is getting married this week and he has no money. I have sent him 1000 eur and clothes to wear at the wedding ceremony.
It was the last week. On Saturday he didn't answer my phone calls anymore. He closed me out of his lnstagram. I wrote him many messages. No answer. I wrote to his friend. After that he called me but he didn't want to speak, only writing. We had a big fight. I said that I want to end this relationship and he said that I should shut my mouth and go to hell.

Did I deserve this ? Oh yes I did.
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Blue
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Posts: 35
Joined: 2020-05-24, 14:16

Re: Instagram rat from Tunisia

Unread post by Blue »

Welcome to the forum - and thank you for posting this long and detailled story about what happened.

The story shows many of the typical course/development of a Bezness relationship, in fact, it is almost a blueprint for that. There are so many things that can be pointed out and discussed from this example, but I like to address, for now, just a few important ones.
Did I deserve this ? Oh yes I did.
Why do you say this? Is this a result of your analysing the situation? Or is this your way of dealing with the outcome, to shut the door, admit a mistake and move on?

Yes - you did, when you look at at the whole story in retrospective. There are the many hints and red flags that alarm anyone with an experience of such a situation and anyone who knows about the outcome (it is always easy to be smart about something AFTER it happened).

HOWEVER ...

At the time you were in the situation, you didn't have the knowledge or the experience (you read about Bezness only later in the relationship) and you also did not know which results your actions would have in the future. In this regard:

No, you didn't. The biggest mistake was probably that you did not inform yourself about the country of your friend, about the society he lives in. But, then again, being a well known holiday country for many Europeans, you will have assumed that things there might be much like in the northern mediterranean countries, even more when you come from one of those yourself. But once you were in the relationship, you also had things to lose - and when someone has something to lose, he or she will likely try to resolve a situation by giving it more time or money, because the alternative is to loose time and money already spent, as well as having to admit a personal mistake. Whether it is love, investment or a game, it is simply in the human nature to go sometimes all in from those reasons, only robots or people with some experience of such a situation would probably be able to act otherwise.
The important thing is to not make the same mistake a second time. You have now got experience, you know where to become informed, and, as strange as it sounds, you have learned something valueable out of it, which will help you to cope with similar situations in the future.

I don't blame him for anything. He wanted a way out. I saw where he lived. His chances in having a normal life in Tunisia are like zero.
I disagree with this view. I have, after many, many years, still to meet even 1 (one) person with no chance in Tunisia. Yes, some, even most, people do not have the chance to become wealthy, many do not have the chance to work in a satisfying job (is that so different from western countries?) - but none, not a single one, has no chance at all of living a decent (in the context of this country) life and/or turn around ones life.
Of course, as long as someone is not willing to undergo training, education, doing "hard" and "unpleasant" work, especially in training and education years, and as long as someone's desires to consume do not match their financial means or personal efforts, it won't work. But, to be honest, would it work in western countries? No, it wouldn't either.
Gabesiana
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Posts: 4
Joined: 2020-08-06, 11:18

Re: Instagram rat from Tunisia

Unread post by Gabesiana »

Thank you for posting my story. It still hurts me a lot because everything is still so new,it just happened. I am just blaming myself for not being strong enough to end up the relationship,because I knew deep down that it's not real. And you are right...l really had no idea about "bezness" in Tunisia. I was only seeing a beautiful country that l have visited before with my family.
And yes....it is a typical rat story. When I read it here ....my own words,l feel so ashamed.
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